We just hit the 10-year milestone on June 22 and I am over the moon! Marriage is a dance where both people have a place and a role. I have loved the ten years of wisdom I have gained from the gift of dancing with Doug. Some days I've stepped all over him - some days he's stepped on me. It hasn't always looked pretty. It' hasn't always made sense but we have learned to dance and will continue to choose to! 

What I've learned is that where there is vulnerability there is love and intimacy. Let yourself be vulnerable with one another. There is nothing like letting yourself be seen. It gives and releases the other person to be all of themselves with you and you'll start having compassion for yourselves and eachother much easier when you can show up authentically to the relationship!

You both are needed in this dance. Your strengths and your weaknesses. SO much of my marriage I've wasted time on shaming myself for my weaknesses and trying to control and manipulate Doug's. I'm learning that what I can control is myself only. No lasting change comes from shaming myself for my imperfections. When I can have compassion and realize the strengths and weaknesses of my character make a gorgeous blend for learning lasting lessons, there is growth of character within me!  And instead of trying to desperately change my husband's weaknesses, I can pray for him and then let God do the work only he can do!  I'm learning that by being grateful for him, period, I get to delight in who he is. It is my choice what thoughts I rehearse about my husband in my head. Thoughts of gratitude will always produce feelings of love toward him and thoughts of resentment and "everything-I-want-to-change-about-him" will produce awful feelings, I get to choose what I think. 

This little announcement is from our invitations to our wedding! Just as we still have this tangible reminder of the vows we made to one another, I have the unwavering knowledge that Jesus is the cord that has kept us together. Praying with and for one another is crucial for our relationship and I've seen miracles happen through praying and trusting God to comfort us, heal us, change us and use us for his glory! Some of my most treasured moments with Doug have been after extreme trials and both of us coming to the end of ourselves and kneeling together before our Heavenly Father asking for help and guidance for our lives and marriage. My eyes are filling up in tears remembering those tender moments where we could've given up but we decided to pray together in hard times. God has been so faithful. And that's not exclusive to us. I believe God is faithful to anyone that comes to him! He is a good father! 

Husbands lead your wife. Wives follow your man, but talk to him and have communication about what you need  He can't read your mind. Talk. You can trust that God will make every situation work out for the good of those who love him! Pray before you make any decisions together. I say this with the utmost respect and also with the disclaimer that I haven't been the best at allowing Doug to lead me. Most times I've been terrified of allowing a man to lead me because of all the trust issues I dealt with from the abuse I endured growing up. The way God has shown me to trust is to trust in his character and not in my own or another person's. To trust that whatever I go through, he can always bring good out of any circumstance. But I have come to know the great importance of allowing my man to lead me and to submit my love (without allowing toxic behavior) to Doug as if I were doing it unto the Lord. I am very much still in progress and don't claim to know or even apply this into my own marriage greatly, however, I am aware of the resistance within me and in prayer asking God to help me respect Doug in the way he needs me to. I believe what women crave most is to be loved and men crave to be respected. I loved the book Love and Respect it explains this beautifully! 

Laugh. Laugh. And Laugh and have lots of sex. Remind one another why you married. If you don't feel up to laughing or sexing try this for size. For an entire day, think only good thoughts about your partner. Say to yourself that you are in love and grateful for them. Speak out-loud about how much you desire them and shout out all the things you are grateful for in them. I know you can find a least one, now come on!  You to feel what your thoughts focus on. Love is a verb. It requires action. Don't let the enemy steal the greatest gift God has given you. What you focus your mind on grows! I also say this tenderly especially towards anyone who has endured sexual abuse. It's been one of the most difficult battles of my personal life to go from healing of sexual abuse to enjoying a healthy sexual relationship in my marriage. That's a huge topic! Maybe that will be my next book! But I do know that healing from sexual abuse and having healthy sexual health is possible because I'm living proof! And what I suggest at the beginning of this blurb is a portion of what helped me overcome some of my issues in that area! Comment below if you'd like a whole blog post on sex! 

Ten Year Wedding Anniversary Series

Aren't these pictures are EPIC. My friend Jillian from MavenMarket.co took them as a gift for us. She has a business of beautifully curated gift boxes that can ship right to your home and they are filled with amazingly beautiful handmade and local business goodies. She is having a pop up at the SISU on Saturday the 7th from 12 to 5! There will be a handful of vendors there which are all small businesses!

She is also now starting to take photography for creative types like me. So if anyone of you Sacramentians is in need of creative photos, she's your gal!! I told her that my vision for our photos was to create art that gave hope for love! I think she nailed it! Thank you so much, Jillian, you are amazing! And thank you to all the brands that have gifted us ways to celebrate our 10 Year Anniversary !! There will be a 3 week series of pictures for couples and ideas for marriage, outfits, makeup, and celebrations! Make sure you come back to see our next photoshoot outfit #2! 

Now speaking of style and what to wear on a special night out, I love going full glam with a great summer black dress, this one is especially gorgeous because it has that amazing velvet top and then the skirt is tulle with a few layers allowing for a beautiful silhouette and playfulness! It's a luxury little black dress if you ask me! Notice I did white shoes and I think they gave it a much-needed freshness and crispness to the outfit. Even if you don't like this dress you can take the advice of doing a monochromatic look with your boo and just adding a pop of color with your accessories!  Doug looks so handsome in his full black suit and white dress shirt! I think this outfit is a sure fit for a special night! 

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: MavenMarket.co

c/o ModCloth Dress/Banana Republic Shirt/ All the Gifts listed below. 

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And here are some gift ideas from the amazing brands that were so kind to gift items to my husband I to celebrate our ten year anniversary! Thank you so much for helping us celebrate!!! More will be added as I receive the PR packages! Thank you for your love and support in visiting my blog! I hope you leave here inspired and ready to take on your special night out! Remember it's you who makes the outfit special! You are enough as you are today right this very moment! I love you!

GIFT IDEAS FROM MY HEART TO YOURS

Fancy candle | Staycation @ Kimpton Sawyer | long-lasting roses | curated self-love box | shave kit | curated garden lovers box | fancy toothbrush | Dinner At il Fornaio