Why Changing A Toxic Identity Can Be So Painful

Have you ever found yourself wondering why you are the way you are? The fears that cripple you. The inner monologue that you’ve rehearsed for so long in your mind silently killing every possibility of you living a life of freedom. If we continue to leave it unchallenged or unchecked it really will kill us, even if we are still alive. Friend, I love you and I don’t believe you or I were meant to stay in victimhood or a toxic identity! I believe we can change. It will come with much challenge, but I believe we are equipped for the battle!

A lot of us grew up in home where the importance of the quality of our thoughts wasn’t something taught. Some of us have even endured some pretty traumatic childhoods. And even if you haven’t experienced trauma, if you’re a human being, you’ve experienced emotional pain. You’ve had your heart broken a time or two. Life is tough and can be so unfair at times. And I am so sorry if you’re in pain from your past, I truly am. I know the greatest gifts I’ve received in my life are people who’ve allowed me the space to feel my pain without judgment or trying to “fix” me. As I heal more and more, I’ve began to be that source of compassion to myself because Jesus has allowed me to hurt in his arms and now I’m able to give myself compassion because I’ve received it first from God. His grace, a true gift none of us deserve yet all of us can open our hearts to receive. Truly I don’t know of any person in this life other than Jesus who can truly understand our pain. So don’t wait for someone to validate your sorrow. Jesus can really understand your pain and has the power to heal you! After Jesus, the most important relationship to cultivate and sow into, is the one with yourself! You’ve got to become your best confidant and support. It starts with you. It is so important to validate the source of our pain and let the course of grief minister those hurts. But it is most important to MOVE ON AND PAST the past! Your identity isn’t defined by your past.

So how do you determine your identity and how do you challenge that status quo of your being? Do you just lay down and let the toxic thoughts consume your life or do you take courage and make a change? I think many of us are so used to living in toxicity that it might be quite scary to jump ship into a new identity. We cling on to it like a comfy blankie and fear any change within us. Even thought we might look around and see all the evidence of a toxic mentality, the thought of the pain of changing is too overwhelming so we revert back to that same toxic soil; but then complain that outside factors hold our lives back from truest most authentic versions of ourselves. Because it is way easier to blame exterior circumstances, than owning up to the incredible power to choose how we respond to anything that comes our way. We deny the courage to take responsibility and start controlling the only thing we really can, our thoughts and our words because it’s too hard. It requires work! Not many will because it really feels uncomfortable! For a lot of us this has been US for so long that we can’t fathom the thought of being different. It scares us right out of our skin. Even if the pain and discomfort of partnering with some of these toxic beliefs of who we are literally killing us through self-harm, self-hatred, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, fear or addiction. We feel so comfortable with them we decide to stay in what we know for fear of not being able to be any different. I believe we are a generation called to healing and courage! And I believe you were made for more!

I was thinking of how God has transplanted me into his good soil over the past seven years. It’s ben a PROOOOOOOOCEEEEESSSSSSSSS. Can I say that any slower?! Trust me when I say that I wish it could be a quick fix a quick prayer of salvation and BOOM BABY, you’re healed. I do believe Jesus has the power to heal us instantly, however, in my personal case it’s been a process, MMM-KKAY! It’s been painful. It’s been uncomfortable. It’s been gut wrenching. God’s healing has put me at my lowest points of my life because he’s allowed me to face the truth of all the trauma I went through. But that truth has set me free from shame and guilt! Look up (John 8:31-32 ) And at those precious low points, what I found was a bed of compassion that held me together while I needed to fall apart at the feet of Jesus.

I was stripped from what I knew (the old version of me) and was being transplanted into good soil so that I could flourish into the NEW creation available through Christ. “ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17)” Can you picture yourself NEW? Nothing from your past being a hinderance to the glorious future Jesus died to give you? Can you picture yourself the way you’ve dream you could be? The person who shows up, the one who has courage, the one who believes in themselves and in the world because of God’s promise of victory no matter what may come your way?! The one that rises every-time she falls. The one who has a voice and uses it for good. The one who’s confidence is in the Lord therefore doesn’t waver in the storm. The one who has joy pouring out of his eyeballs and is the man God called him to be. The one who through the deepest wound in God has the courage to forgive those who’ve hurt you. The one who decides to be God’s his hands and feet to show mercy and grace to a hurting world. The courage to stand up to what you fear most. The most authentic version of you is available and it isn’t in your review mirror, it’s in your joyful, childlike imagination! See Jesus died so you and I could be free. And sometimes what we are prisoners to is our fear and our own thoughts. Old patterns that got us through life numb of our truest most authentic painful feelings. See I believe happiness is not the goal of life. I believe living with intention and freedom requires processing pain and suffering without buffering with outside distractions.” Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1: 2-4)” It’s when we go through the deepest pain with Jesus at our right hand that we can also go through the best happiness and celebration of our lives. We are numbing ourselves silly with choosing to stay in toxic identity. Those false senses of hope and peace steer us in the most dangerous place in our lives; Complacency and living life numb from any feelings. You were meant for this life for a purpose ONLY YOU CAN ATTAIN. Show up, beloved friend. Even if today that means crying your little eyeballs out in sorrow. You won’t stay there I promise. God promised us that our pain matters! And he will give us double in joy what we’ve endured in pain! “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. (Isaiah 61:7) “

Plant yourself into his good soil and let his perfect love allow you to FLOURISH!

I am transferring my thoughts and taking responsibility for my life and I know my life is going to change for the better. Life won’t become easier, I just will know where my identity is and life’s difficulties will not define me. If I had to, I would do over and over again for the sake of the new life I’m enjoying now! And in hopes to inspire you to live in freedom! It’s been a process that has left me without a shadow of a doubt that God is who he says he is! Just, loving, kind, merciful, faithful!, trustworthy