If you are reading this post my heart breaks with yours. This year has been a challenge ALL around for us. And if you’re reading this, your heart might be so hurt and I pray that my story helps yours! I pray that what I’ve been through helps your journey to recover from losing your friend.

In my personal life, I lost my dad to cancer in May of 2020. And in the wake of grief, a distant friend reached out to me in support. We had the honor of deepening our friendship, she really helped me cope with my father’s loss, however, I recently lost the friendship abruptly and without knowing what went wrong:

In the midst of all of that and the grief of losing my dad: I was also dealing with being a homeschool mom (which I had no clue how to be!) to my two little girls/figuring out my business without the norm / going to therapy for complex trauma/ recovering from a different friend’s betrayal/ and then I lost a few more friendships that were dear to me in the same year!

My heart hurts. I have been through a lot in life so I know loss, betrayal of every kind, trauma, abandonment. However, at this moment I feel a little overwhelmed with emotions and I thought if I’m feeling all of these things, maybe there is someone out there who has faced similar challenges and I could be of help.

What I’ve learned about pain and suffering is that it is never without purpose.

I want to do my best to help your heart and mind come to a place of healing and closure from losing your friend. First of all, I’m so sorry that you are experiencing pain. Emotional pain is so weird because we can’t see it. But man we can feel it and sometimes it seems like if we just push through it without really tuning in into our hearts to see them in their real condition, that we’ll somehow over busy, over medicate ourselves to feeling better. Beloved friend. You have to tend to your heart and turn into the pain to face it and move forward in wholeness and healing! If we neglect the wounds in our hearts, the wound will get infected and the one affected down the road will be YOU. A little pain now vs. a lot of pain later. I believe in you and I know you can handle hard things. You can overcome anything that comes your way! You are not alone in your healing. Jesus will carry you through if you allow and invite him to your heart and he will help you heal the only way he can! Miraculously!

Here are some journaling prompts for you to give yourself the space to process your friendship loss. And some scripture to help your broken heart.

1. What would you say is the emotion of your heart towards the loss right now?

Grief is a weird process and you sometimes go through all the emotions at varying speeds. There’s denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Wherever you are on this cycle note that you are entitled to feel your feelings. It was an important friendship to you so it makes so much sense that you would be experiencing all that you are. Give yourself some compassion and treat yourself like the friend you crave to have.

Ask and invite God to help you in the stage of grief you are at. That he would guide you, tending for your own needs and to give you hope for the restoration of your heart!

“According to the riches of HIS glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in LOVE, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus thoguthout all generation, forever and ever. Amen.”

Ephesians 3:16-21

This scripture just fills me to the brim of who I am with so much hope and goodness. To know that no matter who walks out of our lives on this Earth, God will never leave us and his love is not even able to be measured, it is unfailing and unconditional and he is not ashamed of you. He loves all of who you are.

2. Are you blaming and shaming yourself for the loss of the friendship?

You didn’t lose a friend because of you. The person has something they need to work on or deal with. I pray that you know that you are loveable and worthy of connection.

Yes, you and I also aren’t perfect so if you want to take ownership of any part of your side of the street and actually verbalize that to yourself and your friend, you will be better for it. But know that you are still LOVED BY GOD. And therefore you can love yourself. And those who are meant to love you, will love the real person you are you never have to compromise yourself for the sake of someone liking or accepting you. Be the real you always and allow those who can be around THAT real version of you to love you. Love is weird we must allow it to go out and to come IN! Trust that God has your heart even if ti gets hurt, he will mend it. But you are free to be exactly who you are. It’s absolutely freeing to be oneself! It does require courage, but I know God can give you that! His love is so powerful it enables us to be who HE made us to be! And little by little transforms our lives in ways we didn’t even know we could change. Looking more and more like him.

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.”

Psalm 34: 4-5

3. What are some things that you can take responsibility for in the friendship ending? Can you bring yourself to verbalize those to the other person? Why yes or why not?

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and couragous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

God will always want us to have courage and strength because even in our frailty He becomes our power to be strong and courageous, even when we feel weak and frightened. You will see yourself growing inside as a result of owning up to your side of the street for any human relationships. We are all flawed people trying to have a relationship with one another. There’s bound to be trouble. However, we serve a God so powerful he can give us access to wisdom, courage, love that belongs only to HIM!

4. What do you miss about your friend?

“A man/woman of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24

Understanding your heart is your job. Just as we spend countless time focusing on others, it’s vital to our personal relationship to get to know ourselves. The best way to do it is through journaling and discovering who you are. You are amazing and you can become your very own best friend. Listen, I don’t think there will ever be a time that you’ll leave yourself. You are stuck like glue so show up for yourself like you want others to do it for you.

5. What are some things you can still be grateful for that you learned through the friendship?

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love (Jn 15:9).”

John 15:9

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”

John 15:13

I believe that every person we encounter is helping us learn something. Some people help us learn really painful lessons like someone rejecting you or abandoning you. It can be really painful what you feel when the loss of your friend sinks in. I hope you know that you are not rejectable, or abandonable. That friendship for whatever reason is no longer needed in your life. In fact, I pray all the time that God would keep people in my life if they are true friendships that are helping me go into a deeper relationship with him.

Some friends and people were only mean to teach you that no matter who leaves you: YOU ARE AMAZING AND WORTHY OF LOVE AND CONNECTION.

Because Jesus loves you.

6. Who do YOU want to BE in this situation??

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejocie and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give htought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on youlive peaceably with all.”

Romans 1214-15 : 17-18

Even from far away can you bring yourself to bless your friend even through praying for them?

We have no idea what our friends are really going through. And holding on to resentment and unforgiveness only hurts you. Assuming what really happened to the friendship without truly knowing is assumption that will bend itself into jealousy, envy, and bad mojo that ends up affecting YOU 100% of the time. So anytime you think of your friend, instead of giving the mental energy to assume why the friendship ended or any other “fun” thoughts your brain offers: Pray that God will bless your friend and keep you at peace from all the turmoil your head wants to produce with thoughts of resentment.

Your pain is real. Your tears will heal. Your sadness will not consume you if you give it to Jesus he will catch you and bounce you BACK better than ever before!

Thank you so much for reading. Praying that God would cover your heart in his love and shower you with care and that you would know you are loved. He will use this challenge in your life for your good. I promise that God will never waste your pain. He is a faithful father who cares deeply about what you’re facing. If you lost something he will bring beauty from the ashes.

Photography by: Doug Reynolds