**TRIGGER WARNING: This post includes hard issues like eating disorders and suicidial ideation. Please pray before you read.

For the majority of my life, I’ve had trust issues. My childhood was sprinkled with unfortunate traumatic events and situations that put me in a place of low self-esteem, PTDS, social anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm, addiction, eating disorders, anxious preoccupied attachment, and co-dependent relational behaviors that would mark my life in very negative ways. Every relationship that came my way was a way to prove to myself I was unworthy of love and connection, I was attracted to emotionally unavailable people. I looked for my value outside of myself. I was always trying to figure out how to fix my broken state by fixing my exterior and doing everything in my control to convince myself and others that I was worthy and valuable. I felt defective and ashamed of myself, therefore every relationship was a sounding board for my lack of enoughness and gave me the clear sign that I wasn’t enough. I was looking for what my mind wanted to see; broken systems and broken, toxic ways of relationships. But thanks be to Jesus that isn’t where I live anymore! I have healed so much.

My heart has been transformed by the grace of Jesus and I believe without a shadow of a doubt that he can help you as well if you feel or have ever felt this way. Feeling like you can’t do anything to feel enough is so exhausting and in my (almost) 40 years of life, my mind knows there is HOPE FOR FREEDOM. I am no longer bound by the first few sentences I wrote. I have been delivered from living a life of shame and condemnation and I know if Jesus did that for me, he can do that for you as well!

My journey has been a LONG one, and my hope and prayer is that from my mistakes and what I’ve learned your journey can be less severe and less painful and that you can learn to trust God even in the most uncertain times of your life and that you will also develop a trust relationship with yourself.

Wisdom I’ve gained from doing the inner work of healing from trauma and co-dependency:

You are capable of more than you think or imagine. You can do hard things! You are independent in Jesus’ name but dependent on HIS power and your resilience and perseverance! You must work to believe this to your core and the only way to change a belief is to change your thoughts and cover yourself with the word of God! I had this verse tucked under my wing when I felt like I couldn’t think straight;

“God did not give me a spirit of fear but one of POWER, LOVE, AND A SOUND MIND.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Concepts that were new to me. I didn’t feel powerful, I felt powerless and I didn’t feel love towards myself, I felt hatred. I didn’t feel like I had a peaceful or clear mind but I felt broken beyond repair and doomed to being crazy. However, the power of God’s word changed my mind, changed my hope, and changed the way I think and now I believe a different story about myself. I don’t need outside love to fill me or validate me when I have the love of Jesus, he is enough to give me the courage to live a life of intention!

Here are some bible verses that have transformed the way I trust Jesus when I can’t see him answering my prayers for healing or other things. In fact, I know that trusting in God is tough and it doesn’t come easy to most people, let alone anyone who has been through extreme traumatic events. But my saving grace is this; Jesus understands how you and I feel and he is willing to be in the fire with you and me. There is a beautiful moment of surrender when you realize that all you’ve been trying to do to make yourself worthy, valuable, clean, accessible, enough, loved, and accepted has already been done for you on the cross. And it takes daily practice to abide in Jesus and be filled up by the Lord so we can find our true value in HIM. But it is doable! If I can change so can you!

7 BIBLE VERSES TO HELP YOU TRUST GOD EVEN IN UNCERTAIN TIMES:

• Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

• No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life just as I was with Moses so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.” Joshua 1: 5

• He gives strength to the weary and he increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40: 29-31

• “Let not your heart be troubled you believe in God believe also in me.” John 14:1

• “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39

• “By faith, the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days.” Hebrews 11:30

• “In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Because I know Jesus has a good track record with me since he has done so much in my life, I can feel more confident day-to-day to TRUST him! I believe that if I pray to him about something he will answer me in three ways. Yes, not yet, or I have something better for you. And that is for you as well. We don’t know what God is doing but we can be certain that he has good plans for us. When a prayer is delayed and it’s hard to trust God, let’s be people of faith and trust him because of his credible track record.

Let’s pray and read from God’s word over ourselves and the situation. You are SECURE AND SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS. When you give your life to Christ, nothing can pluck you from his hands!

Thank you for being here today! I love you to pieces and I hope this post inspired you to trust God. Share it with a friend who might need a little hope!